JAPAN ETIQUETTE FOR TOURISTS

THE SHORT ANSWER

Japan etiquette for tourists comes down to a handful of small moves: hand important things over with two hands, use the tray when you pay, let people off the train first, keep your voice down, and line your shoes up facing the door. No one expects perfection. Intention and effort matter, and there are levels to this: walking around with an iced coffee is way less rude than talking on the phone on the train.

After 10 years of traveling to Japan and 3 years of living in Tokyo, I meet lots of tourists who are so scared of being rude that it affects how much they enjoy their trip. Don't think of these as some ten commandment-like, intense set of rules where you'll be deported if you make any errors. Just study up a bit, try your best, and you'll be fine.

THE 12 MOVES

What are the most important manners in Japan?

These 12 moves work everywhere: restaurants, bars, trains, shops and people's homes. Learn these and you've covered most of what people actually notice.

EATING

What are the table manners in Japan?

Say itadakimasu before you eat, and gochisōsama deshita when you finish and again to the staff as you leave. Past that, it's a few small things: how you pour, how you share and what you do with your chopsticks.

• Pouring beer (yes, people notice): keep the label facing the other person, and don't aggressively top off someone's drink if they're pacing themselves.
• Shared plates: rotate the plate so the best piece faces the others, and say どうぞ (dōzo), "go ahead".
• Sushi: dip the fish side in the soy sauce, not the rice. The rice soaks it up and falls apart.
• Chopsticks: don't stick them upright in rice and don't pass food chopstick to chopstick (both are funeral rituals). Use the chopstick rest if there is one. If not, set them neatly across your bowl or plate.
• Tipping: don't. It's not a thing here. Say gochisōsama deshita when you leave instead.

How do you order at a restaurant in Japan?

Get attention with すみません (sumimasen), then point at the menu and say これ、お願いします (kore, onegaishimasu), "this, please". If you don't know what to get, ask what they recommend. It works everywhere and staff love this question.

Is eating while walking rude?

There are levels to this. Walking around with an iced coffee is 90000x less rude than talking on the phone on the train. Not every rule and custom is equally and maximally offensive, so save your worry for the big ones on this page.

TRAINS

What should you not do on trains in Japan?

Don't take calls, don't block the doors and don't get on before people get off. Keep your phone on silent and your backpack on your front or down by your feet.

• On the platform: line up, no cutting, and stand to the sides of the doors so people can exit first.
• Inside the train: phone on silent, calls are a no-no, and talk quieter than you think you need to.
• Escalators: Tokyo stands on the left, Osaka stands on the right. Follow the flow and match the locals.

SHRINES AND TEMPLES

How do you act at a shrine or temple in Japan?

A small bow at the entrance is normal. At the cleansing fountain, rinse your hands, then your mouth, and don't drink straight from the ladle.

And don't be mad loud, dork. If you're unsure what to do, copy the chillest salaryman dude.

SHOES, HOMES AND RYOKAN

What are the shoe rules in Japan?

If shoes come off, turn them toward the door, and never step on tatami in shoes. Even barefoot, Japanese people try to avoid stepping on the border between the tatami mats.

• Toilet slippers stay in the toilet area. Don't walk them around the house.
• Keep bags off beds and futons when you can.

BECOME A REGULAR

How do you become a regular at a bar or restaurant in Japan?

If you like a place and want to come back, bring a small, humble treat next time. Small is key, because expensive gifts can make people uncomfortable.

There are small local snack and sweets shops all over Japan. Buy something in the same neighborhood as the izakaya or bar and they'll give you extra points for it. Good examples are local cookies or small sweets in simple packaging, or something tiny and snack-sized from your home country.

When you hand it over, say this:

Picking a gift that's easy to receive is its own skill. A box of wrapped cookies beats a whole cake. I go through that, and seven more social customs, in the unwritten rules of Japan.

How do you show you're listening in Japanese?

Use aizuchi, the small sounds that show you're engaged in a conversation: はい (hai, "uh-huh, I'm listening", not always "I agree"), そうですね (sō desu ne, "right") and なるほど (naruhodo, "I see"). With friends, うん (un, "yeah") is the everyday one and なるほど is fine. With someone senior or a client, swap なるほど for そうなんですね (sō nan desu ne, "oh, I see"). It's the secret social cheat. My cheat sheet also lists タイプシット, "type shit", as a joke. Nobody in Japan says it.

THE REEL

Do you really need to try this hard not to be rude in Japan?

No. You don't need to put on a kimono in Kyoto to cosplay understanding Japanese culture. Lock in on the small moves above.

The reel at the top of this page runs through the moves in under a minute: the inside seat, cheersing lower, shoes toward the door, the local treat, the menu, the best bite, sushi fish side down, the backpack, pouring, two hands and every grain of rice.

QUESTIONS PEOPLE ASK